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    December 04

    城男旧事

    我孤身漫步在这座城市的一条还算熟悉的大街上,迎面的车流带着它不变的匆忙固执地袭卷而来,我的缓慢似乎与周围的一切极不合谐,奇怪平时常常那样感叹快节奏的自己是如何无法忍受身陷其中的这种慢慢慢.
    我无声地违背着自我,漠然感受和天空同样灰蒙蒙的人群,逃遁在只能向孤独敞开的世界中.
    那些人是陌生的,我的心,我那时认为是因此而空荡荡,我的心记住了这种感觉.
    时空变换,我再次身在一大群人当中,他们每一个都和我有关联,大家都在笑,我也是.可心中还是空荡荡的人们和我讲话,我高声就对着,可越说越觉得空,空的使我连呼吸都费力.
    猛地,我抓住过身边人的手,那人惊谔地看着我,我孤独,我沙哑地吐出这个秘密.
    我们孤独地来到这个世界上,于是就注定我们将孤独地存活,孤独地消亡,谁都不可能陪伴谁,一秒钟前还真诚的说着甜蜜情话的人,下一秒使可能弃你不顾,任你被恐怖的孤独怪兽无情吞噬.
    而我现在每天步履维坚做着只是努力在情感历程中不伤害别人也不被别人伤害,伤痕累累的我怜惜着同样伤痕累累的他们,也在潜意识里渴望着舔拭伤痕的怜惜.
    记忆中以往的繁忙时间曾经一度误以为自己喜欢孤独,现在不.
    自怨自艾是永远没有尽头也没有结果的,朋友们在脑中来来往往,并不是他们把我遗弃,而是各人都有各自正常的生活.
    我只属于我自己.
    我发现如果把朋友的爱设想为零,就不会有任何过奢的期望,面这时任何的期望都已成为奢侈.
    我最终跌入谷底,反而有一种踏实的快乐,因为接下去我会向上走,不会变的更糟糕.
    你见过谷底的景像吗?
    请允许我向你描述:身体的状况是毫无把握的未知,我感觉眼睛是酸的,嘴里是苦的,心里是辣的,嘴唇出血是甜的,泪水是咸的,外面阴云密布我觉得不幸,外面阳光明媚,我觉得更不幸.
    趴在谷底,我很平静,因为我知道越来好呢.
    可我,依旧孤独.

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